A few days ago I wrote a post about a radio station who were running a "Win a Wife" campaign. Along with many others, I thought this was appalling. We decided to gather together like-minded people in a Facebook page to share ideas and information about why this competition was not OK, and strategies to stop the competition.  In six days we gathered the support of over 1200 people!

This campaign has been a huge learning experience for me on a number of different levels.

Learning Experience #1

I have been saddened and horrified and depressed and angry at the abuse and pornographic images hurled at us. A few of the less-explicit examples can be found here.  I learnt that there are a lot of people with lots of destructive anger out there. This vitriole is reason enough for us all to question what sort of sentiments this particular radio station is encouraging.
*Update: If it's all getting a bit much, the best remedy is laughter. Do check out this post with a choice selection of some of The Rock's supporter arguments.

Learning Experience #2

More importantly, I learnt that there are so many wonderful people out there who are so passionate about creating a just and equal society, and  are willing to take action to make this happen.  And I just loved connecting with them all. People sharing their knowledge and supporting each other. The Facebook page we created was just a vehicle that brought such people together.

It was amazing to realise that a small action (creating the page) snowballed in to something so much bigger than we ever thought it would. AND WE MADE A DIFFERENCE! 

• A number of advertisers have withdrawn their advertising from the radio station. (This speaks volumes, because if the advertisers aren't there, stations are forced to change their approach.)
• This afternoon the radio station announced that due to the complaints received, they were changing the name of the competition. (This name change of course doesn't automatically make the competition OK. BUT we have signalled to the media and to the general public that there is a line of decency, and when it is crossed, we don't all just sit back and accept it.)

This could be just the start. I am so proud of our group.

Learning Experience #3

It was a beautiful summer evening this evening. My family was here for dinner and my little boy was being particularly gorgeous. (I know, I know, I am biased, but that's him this evening in the photo below - don't you think?).  But I was so angry at the world, having spent the afternoon dealing with abusive people and deleting explicit photos off the Facebook page, that I couldn't enjoy the evening. I was grumpy and preoccupied.

So I turned off my computer and went on a lovely walk with my wonderful sister. I raged about it all, and then I realised, over the past six days this campaign had consumed me.  I had not been fully present with my little boy or husband, my garden is overflowing with needed-to-be-picked-yesterday produce and I have neglected my writing and positive work with teens and parents. I learned that neglecting these things I love makes me miserable.

So I decided to step down from moderating the Facebook page. (Of course I  remain an passionate supporter).  And I will not publish comments  from others on this blog attacking my stance on the 'Win a Wife' competition. I have had every 'argument' (and more!) thrown at me about this issue and remain strong in my conviction.  I have a HUGE amount of respect, gratitude and admiration for people who are continually standing up for injustice and inequality (Catherine Manning, Melinda Tankard Reist, Sue Bradford... the list could go on).  I am not sure I could ever do what you do - I would certainly need thicker skin! And for all those wonderful people who are writing the letters and emails and generally spreading the word that it's not OK to treat anyone as second class citizens - you guys are awesome.

A New Zealand radio station, 'The Rock' is currently running a competition to win a Ukranian wife.  Yes indeed, a competition to win another human being.

I am appalled.

People in favour of the 'Win a Wife' competition have said "oh lighten up it's just a joke".  Would a competition to 'win a real African slave' be OK?  Treating other humans as commodities is not a joke.  Buying humans as part of a monetary transaction is never OK.

Others have pointed out that wife-buying is actually a social service - you know, 'rescuing' these poor women from their situations.  Kind of like buying child pornography helps feed and clothe the child 'models'?  If you really want to help Ukranian women, get in touch with the many international aid organisations and find out how to do this.

The other dismaying effect this competition has had is to legitimise the dehumanising of women. A quick look through The Rock's commentary on this competition, and the entrant's 'profiles' is profoundly depressing. Furthermore, the Ukranian 'jokes' stemming from this competition are extremely offensive to the Ukranian community.

I have been vocal in my opposition to this campaign, and have helped set up the Facebook campaign Stop The Rock's 'Win a Wife' campaign.  This has been live for only a matter of hours and the response has been incredible. If you also think the 'Win a Wife' competition is a world of wrong, please join us on the Facebook page. We are encouraging people to write to the radio station's advertisers to voice their dismay.

A number of people have written excellent posts on this topic and I encourage you to read them:

• Women are not commodities - MP Carol Beaumont
• Why the mail order bride competition is wrong
• 'Win a Wife' - WTF?
• Privileged desperate white male with superiority complex seeks subservient cleaner/cook/sex slave with unlimited faux appreciation
• Win Some More White Heterosexual Cis-Male Privilege?
  

We have already had two big companies disassociate themselves from The Rock - ASB Bank and Lufthansa. Kudos to them! (And to all you fantastic people out their who are voicing your concerns to the advertisers!).

**Update 16/2/11: I want to clarify when I stand on this competition, as it seems some people are wildly generalising. I have not made any comment with regards to online dating, human trafficking, analogies with prostitution or about the situation faced by women in Ukraine. This is because I don't know enough about any of these topics to comment. Many people do know much more than me, and it's been interesting reading their commentary on various blogs and forums. I still haven't come to any conclusions myself on these, so I'll just keep learning.

I DO know where I stand on this issue though: women are not commodities to be won, and this competition is legitimising the degradation of women in New Zealand, that old notion of women as second-class citizens. We're better than this New Zealand.

The following is a letter to the NZ Broadcasting Standards Authority from the Embassy of Ukraine in Australia. (They don't have an embassy in NZ, so the Australian embassy acts on their behalf). 

One of New Zealand's national headlines today was "Question after school puberty talk shocks granddad".

Given my line of work, I was intrigued. Apparently, following a evening sexuality education evening, an 8 year old girl asked her grandfather about the size of his penis.  After reading the article, I came to three conclusions:

1. This is ridiculous journalism
2. Ridiculous journalism leads to inadequate sexuality education for our children.
3. A 'teachable moment' was lost, and a little girl probably left rather confused.

Let me elaborate:

1. This is ridiculous journalism

'Sex sells' and sexuality education portrayed as outrageous also sells.  One man unhappy with one school's sexuality education evening does not constitute national headline news. Particularly when the public health nurse at the optional "mother and daughter" evening spoke only about puberty and the associated changes, and did not talk about penis size or go into any sexual detail.

A fantastic sexuality education programme wouldn't be considered 'newsworthy" by mainstream journalism.  Imagine this: Happy parent comes home from sexuality education parent/child evening, calls up local journalist to report what a great evening it was and how they all feel so much better prepared/informed on how to face the questions and changes that will be happening in their child's life.  I can't imagine that making ever making the national headlines.
(If any journalists disagree with me and would like to write a positive article on quality sexuality education I would be more than happy to help them out!)

2. Ridiculous journalism leads to inadequate sexuality education for our children.

With negative journalism such as this, it's no wonder that the Education Review Office (2007) report The Teaching of Sexuality Education in Years 7 to 13 found that "The majority of school sexuality education programmes are not meeting students’ learning needs.”  In order to avoid potential negative publicity, today's headline makes it more desirable for schools to ignore the Ministry of Education's sexuality education requirements.

3. A teachable moment was lost

The child's question immediately had an adult's framework put on it. Children don't see sexual topics in the way adults do. For a child, asking about the length of a penis is akin to asking the length of your finger, how tall you are, how fat/thin you are. Kids are curious and are exploring their world and the least we can do is give them honest answers to questions.  Even if you 'suspect' an ulterior motive to a question, the best way to diffuse it is to give it an honest answer. Students have certainly tried to 'catch me out' in class by posing explicit or weird questions - the way I respond to them determines the outcome.

Sure, kids will ask the adults in their lives questions that may embarrass them - but it's the adult's responsibility to respond maturely and with integrity.

Given that this grandfather went to the media about the question his granddaughter asked him lead me to assume that a HUGE deal was made out of her question. I think that right now this girl would be rather confused about things.

A real teachable moment was missed. The conversation could have just as easily gone like this:
Girl: "Grandad, are you worried that your penis is too small/big/short/long/fat/skinny?"
Adult: (smiles, because hey, it's an amusing question) "No Jane, I am not worried at all. Everyone's body parts come in all different sizes. Just like I am fatter/taller/skinnier than your Dad/uncle/brother, our penis' are all different shapes and sizes too."
Girl: "Oh, OK, I was just wondering. Can we go to the park now/eat dinner now/watch TV now?"
(The girl had a question, it was answered honestly without drama, and they moved on with their day).

Meanwhile, I applaud St Paul's School in West Auckland, for hosting a 'mother and daughter' evening.  I hope that other schools see this type of journalism for what it is and are not put off offering their students quality and comprehensive sexuality education.

Thanks to Boganette for alerting me to this article. You can read her post on this issue here. After commenting on her blog I felt compelled to write more about this issue myself.

Dear John Key,

My team and I at Enlighten Education support girls to understand that it's NOT all about who is hot and who is not, that it's NOT all about who is the sexiest and who is not.

But John, your comments recently tell us that it IS all about being hot.  Did you really need to publicly mull over which women would make it on to your hot 'wish list'?  You have succumbed to the media's preoccupation with women as body parts, women as sex objects whose bodies are there to please males. How about a media conversation focussing on the top female scientists, the top female educators, the top  female writers, the top female business leaders?

I would never lambast men for having a private 'hot' discussion. But John, as the prime minister, what you say and how you act publicly has greater repercussions.  I understand that you are trying to appeal to the 'average kiwi bloke', but  in doing so you have lowered yourself to the lowest common denominator. You are providing fantastic fodder for the media, further objectifying women.

I look forward to further 'high achiever' lists, this time not based on 'hotness' please. 

I will start it off - congratulations to 17 year old Jamie Fenton who has just been awarded Young New Zealander of The Year for her all-round abilities as a youth role model, academic achiever and inventor. Amazing girl, fantastic achievements!

Kind regards,

Rachel Hansen

*Postscript: The fact that John Key's original conversation took place live on air with a man who hopitalised his partner in a domestic violence incident (fracturing her back) makes this talk about women all the more inappropriate.